Hey. I'm feeling moody... bored... there was another word but I forget what it is... when it comes to mind... oh yes. Deprived. I'm feeling deprived. Of what, who knows. I just feel empty right now. Not in the depressing sense... like I think I crave something... actually no scratch that, I don't crave anything. I'm just bored... and deprived...
In Vallejo right now doing nothing. Waiting for my dad to come home from his golf game so he can bring me back to my dorm. Then when I'm there it'll probably be reading to slow, sad music and ignoring my telephone... probably turning it off altogether. I'm in the mood for tuning out people... it's that kind of day.
Not going home next weekend. Too much upcoming crap and I don't feel like being overwhelmed with isht anytime soon, nor do I feel like being depressed with mediocre grades once again.
there used to be a time where people thought i was hella smart and hella upbeat and perky and isht. what i discovered is that when you choose to only let people know a certain side of you and hide all the other stuff... then of course, they're going to think that's all there is to you. not that that's a bad thing, but then all of these people are telling me that they've never seen me without a smile on my face and that i could get into berkeley (obviously this was all back in the day)... i guess that's what happens when you lay low.
i need a release. maybe gym tonight. walk around the campus when it's all dark. i did it last year... no reason to be afraid to do it this year. just suck it up.
sorry im a little of a downer today. it's a really BLAH mood. i'm feeling dissatisfied with things right now. with everyone... kind of everything too. just REALLY dissatisfied and unfulfilled and a little underappreciated. but then again, can't be appreciated if you don't do anything... but if you do and it goes unnoticed or taken for granted bc that's how you always are... well can't take anything back now... and you're not supposed to do things for the praise that should come after it. but then isnt that the point sometimes?
ugh.
In Vallejo right now doing nothing. Waiting for my dad to come home from his golf game so he can bring me back to my dorm. Then when I'm there it'll probably be reading to slow, sad music and ignoring my telephone... probably turning it off altogether. I'm in the mood for tuning out people... it's that kind of day.
Not going home next weekend. Too much upcoming crap and I don't feel like being overwhelmed with isht anytime soon, nor do I feel like being depressed with mediocre grades once again.
there used to be a time where people thought i was hella smart and hella upbeat and perky and isht. what i discovered is that when you choose to only let people know a certain side of you and hide all the other stuff... then of course, they're going to think that's all there is to you. not that that's a bad thing, but then all of these people are telling me that they've never seen me without a smile on my face and that i could get into berkeley (obviously this was all back in the day)... i guess that's what happens when you lay low.
i need a release. maybe gym tonight. walk around the campus when it's all dark. i did it last year... no reason to be afraid to do it this year. just suck it up.
sorry im a little of a downer today. it's a really BLAH mood. i'm feeling dissatisfied with things right now. with everyone... kind of everything too. just REALLY dissatisfied and unfulfilled and a little underappreciated. but then again, can't be appreciated if you don't do anything... but if you do and it goes unnoticed or taken for granted bc that's how you always are... well can't take anything back now... and you're not supposed to do things for the praise that should come after it. but then isnt that the point sometimes?
ugh.
1 Comments:
i meant i want to EAT where you eat, not KNOW where you eat. haha, i'm not that stalkerish. only semi.
i hope u feel better. at least we're not crack whores, that's what i always say. because noone appreciates crack whores. unless you're another crack whore and they share crack with you. then you would appreciate that crack whore. i just like saying the word "crack". cocaine. yayo.
don't do drugs.
hector from ghostwriter is so scandalous!
crack, crack, crack.
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