I'm watching VH1, the new MTV for me (getting older, can't you tell), and JennB, I'm craving that naive teeange pre adolescent time phase where it was all pop and boy bands and pop princesses that you'd sing along to thinking that if you're young and cute you can make it... shit... I want to be naive like that again, without a damn care in the world... actually the only care I'd have is whether or not my VHS tape had enough room to videotape the next showing of TRL. I wish for that time. I crave it. I'm actually quite upset right now and being by myself (as I often find myself these days), this is my comfort and... what's the world... indulgence? No. I don't know. I don't care. Shit.
I'm not feeling well mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically. Things are definitely missing from my life. I think I'm telling myself that I'm more okay than I actually am because it's that whole psyching yourself out thing. Okay, I'm probably exaggerating, some days, shit, some hours are better than others, definitely. It's all about how you make it to be. But my mood swings and bipolarness are insane out of control. I can't even blame it on PMS anymore, cause that's just kidding fucking everyone. Shit.
I don't know what's wrong with me. A lot of things are wrong with me. No matter what anyone says I know for a fact that's true... that I'm pretty screwed up and there's no real reason for it but my own faults. What gives me the right to judge people so candidly as I do when I know that I'm not perfect, I'm so far from that word that it's fucking ridiculous. I'm ridiculous. No I'm not being ridiculous, that is what I am in all actuality.
I'm being very vague and very clear all at the same time... if that makes sense and if it doesn't then fuck it. I don't make sense, and these words are just a reflection of their author, obviously. Too much pain, all sorts of pain, I hate it. No relief in sight. No one can really say anything to me without me thinking that they're being fake, that they're just saying something... for my sake. No. Not true. Don't try.
The writing's on the wall. No more lying to myself... everyone can see right through me anyway.
I'm not feeling well mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically. Things are definitely missing from my life. I think I'm telling myself that I'm more okay than I actually am because it's that whole psyching yourself out thing. Okay, I'm probably exaggerating, some days, shit, some hours are better than others, definitely. It's all about how you make it to be. But my mood swings and bipolarness are insane out of control. I can't even blame it on PMS anymore, cause that's just kidding fucking everyone. Shit.
I don't know what's wrong with me. A lot of things are wrong with me. No matter what anyone says I know for a fact that's true... that I'm pretty screwed up and there's no real reason for it but my own faults. What gives me the right to judge people so candidly as I do when I know that I'm not perfect, I'm so far from that word that it's fucking ridiculous. I'm ridiculous. No I'm not being ridiculous, that is what I am in all actuality.
I'm being very vague and very clear all at the same time... if that makes sense and if it doesn't then fuck it. I don't make sense, and these words are just a reflection of their author, obviously. Too much pain, all sorts of pain, I hate it. No relief in sight. No one can really say anything to me without me thinking that they're being fake, that they're just saying something... for my sake. No. Not true. Don't try.
The writing's on the wall. No more lying to myself... everyone can see right through me anyway.
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