Sorry, this is going to be a bad entry... I'm quite upset today & this is my only way to vent freely.
I started out the day by losing something that is probably in the top three of things that have the most sentimental value to me. I feel naked without it. I really hope it's in my room and that I can find it because it means a lot a lot a lot to me.
I almost got ran over today when I crossed against the light like I usually do. The fucker hella honked at me, then sped by... alright, if you see me crossing the street, don't even try to slow down, just fucking honk... what surprised me the most is that I just kept walking... like I'd do it again if I had the chance... I don't know... I'm not in the right state of mind right now...
I'm in the ITS lab at school because my computer has a virus. People came to figure out the problem and they showed me how to download an antivirus thing. Except for the antivirus system to run, there needs to be an internet connection. The reason I called for help in the first place was that my internet wasn't working. You do the math. I'm just not looking forward to the fact that I might have to lug my CPU somewhere on campus to get it fixed.
In addition to this, I have a research paper due on Thursday. Can't do that without a computer, now can we? Befre I thought it was okay because I could still access USF sites and the databases were fine for my research, but my computer is barely turning on without freezing or acting up.
I hate being nicer to people when they don't act half as nice to me... inconsiderate people suck. On one hand, I feel guilty for being inconsiderate back, but on the other hand, I feel like I"m being walked on and underappreciated and it's like shit, I'll do this for you if you were in the same situation, like I have before in the past, but you don't even try to say or offer anything to me. It's not even to say that I would accept the help if it was offered bc I'd probably be too embarassed and feel pressured, but then it's just the principle of the matter that matters to me.
Honestly, sometimes it feels like I only have my family, and whenever I go to them with problems, their response is usually along the lines of "Well I can't do anything about it. What do you want me to do about it?". Heaven forbid just listening and sympathizing with me be an option.
I remember in high school when I'd have a problem and I had enough people to confide in that I'd find myself repeating my drama like five times within one day to different people... they'd usually just listen or offer sympathy, sometimes advice... I kind of feel like this is being too dependent on others because I couldn't handle my own shit, I think I realize that it'd be nice if I had someone I could talk to about this kind of stuff, and get the same response... I'm not trying to be the damsel in distress and I expect someone to solve all my problems, just some sympathy and reassurance that someone is there if I need them to be.
Sorry if I've made anyone feel guilty with this entry; that wasn't my intention. I just wanted to let all of my feelings out... without the responsibility of responding to whatever reaction anyone has to it. That's what's wrong sometimes when you let out your problems... people take it the wrong way and react in a way that... that's unnecessary.
I started out the day by losing something that is probably in the top three of things that have the most sentimental value to me. I feel naked without it. I really hope it's in my room and that I can find it because it means a lot a lot a lot to me.
I almost got ran over today when I crossed against the light like I usually do. The fucker hella honked at me, then sped by... alright, if you see me crossing the street, don't even try to slow down, just fucking honk... what surprised me the most is that I just kept walking... like I'd do it again if I had the chance... I don't know... I'm not in the right state of mind right now...
I'm in the ITS lab at school because my computer has a virus. People came to figure out the problem and they showed me how to download an antivirus thing. Except for the antivirus system to run, there needs to be an internet connection. The reason I called for help in the first place was that my internet wasn't working. You do the math. I'm just not looking forward to the fact that I might have to lug my CPU somewhere on campus to get it fixed.
In addition to this, I have a research paper due on Thursday. Can't do that without a computer, now can we? Befre I thought it was okay because I could still access USF sites and the databases were fine for my research, but my computer is barely turning on without freezing or acting up.
I hate being nicer to people when they don't act half as nice to me... inconsiderate people suck. On one hand, I feel guilty for being inconsiderate back, but on the other hand, I feel like I"m being walked on and underappreciated and it's like shit, I'll do this for you if you were in the same situation, like I have before in the past, but you don't even try to say or offer anything to me. It's not even to say that I would accept the help if it was offered bc I'd probably be too embarassed and feel pressured, but then it's just the principle of the matter that matters to me.
Honestly, sometimes it feels like I only have my family, and whenever I go to them with problems, their response is usually along the lines of "Well I can't do anything about it. What do you want me to do about it?". Heaven forbid just listening and sympathizing with me be an option.
I remember in high school when I'd have a problem and I had enough people to confide in that I'd find myself repeating my drama like five times within one day to different people... they'd usually just listen or offer sympathy, sometimes advice... I kind of feel like this is being too dependent on others because I couldn't handle my own shit, I think I realize that it'd be nice if I had someone I could talk to about this kind of stuff, and get the same response... I'm not trying to be the damsel in distress and I expect someone to solve all my problems, just some sympathy and reassurance that someone is there if I need them to be.
Sorry if I've made anyone feel guilty with this entry; that wasn't my intention. I just wanted to let all of my feelings out... without the responsibility of responding to whatever reaction anyone has to it. That's what's wrong sometimes when you let out your problems... people take it the wrong way and react in a way that... that's unnecessary.
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