change is scary... but inevitable, along with death and taxes... it's weird to think of myself in freshman year... what i thought, what i expected of myself, what i hoped for, all that good isht... not to say that i've minded, becoming the person i am now... it's hurt... but kind of a good hurt... if that makes sense in a non scary way.
i feel the need or want to lose myself in something... i'm a little creatively stuck here, seeing that... i have a speech on thursday, a couple of mini papers due on wednesday, my period probably on wednesday (overshare? nah, those of you who read probably already know my menstrual cycle anyway... shit, what's to hide, y'all know you bleed once a month... unless you've got some y chromosomes creepin around in your double helixes)... work friday through sunday... plus Michael's gone for the week... so yes, creatively limited.
Comfort soup. That sounds nice. The vegetable kind.
i sure could use a joseph fred hug right now. it was nice how those lifted up my mood instantly senior year. those hugs, tv dinners, and fourth period kept me sane... i think things could be that simple again if i let it, but we all know what a drama queen i am (internally, stephie, if not spoken)... so simple is out.
Michael spilled cofffee (MY coffee, too!) on my floor. it smells of coffee and febreeze right now. if this happened last week, i'd have fallen off of the proverbial wagon. kahlua is sweet. it would have been a good coffee substitute during easter...
so part of me wants to go back ot the past when i felt self-actualized... i kind of forget when in high school that was, but there was a time where the self esteem level was... really balanced. and then another part of me wants to fast forward to 2010... married, settled, job... responsibilities, but i'd be able to live my life with my soulmate, and we'd take care of each other, keep each other sane...
but i know what i should have is... happiness to be in the present. i think my baby steps will be... looking forward to paychecks... Spain (I am an island, Michael, I'm bloody Ibiza!)
did i tell you? they're shippin me off to the motherland come January 2005.
I'll be twenty shortly after that. Wow. 20. No fuckin way... it's harder to imagine it when I think of it... in a non relatively way, when I just think of myself, not me and all my friends being "old"... just when I think of myself being in junior high, dressing my dolls in foil, discussing "the eighth graders" with Lou (not Guna @ the time, but Lou)... (sorry, other junior high memories hurt to go back to... like hurt in their correlation to now)... 20. Twenty. No more teenager. Not adult. Twenty.
I still have nine more months to chew on that.
Michael, have a safe flight. Bring back cowboy stuff that I can wear to the Kenny Chesney/Rascal Flatts concert. It'll be skirt wearing weather while you're gone. Don't get mistaken for the father of the children.
i feel the need or want to lose myself in something... i'm a little creatively stuck here, seeing that... i have a speech on thursday, a couple of mini papers due on wednesday, my period probably on wednesday (overshare? nah, those of you who read probably already know my menstrual cycle anyway... shit, what's to hide, y'all know you bleed once a month... unless you've got some y chromosomes creepin around in your double helixes)... work friday through sunday... plus Michael's gone for the week... so yes, creatively limited.
Comfort soup. That sounds nice. The vegetable kind.
i sure could use a joseph fred hug right now. it was nice how those lifted up my mood instantly senior year. those hugs, tv dinners, and fourth period kept me sane... i think things could be that simple again if i let it, but we all know what a drama queen i am (internally, stephie, if not spoken)... so simple is out.
Michael spilled cofffee (MY coffee, too!) on my floor. it smells of coffee and febreeze right now. if this happened last week, i'd have fallen off of the proverbial wagon. kahlua is sweet. it would have been a good coffee substitute during easter...
so part of me wants to go back ot the past when i felt self-actualized... i kind of forget when in high school that was, but there was a time where the self esteem level was... really balanced. and then another part of me wants to fast forward to 2010... married, settled, job... responsibilities, but i'd be able to live my life with my soulmate, and we'd take care of each other, keep each other sane...
but i know what i should have is... happiness to be in the present. i think my baby steps will be... looking forward to paychecks... Spain (I am an island, Michael, I'm bloody Ibiza!)
did i tell you? they're shippin me off to the motherland come January 2005.
I'll be twenty shortly after that. Wow. 20. No fuckin way... it's harder to imagine it when I think of it... in a non relatively way, when I just think of myself, not me and all my friends being "old"... just when I think of myself being in junior high, dressing my dolls in foil, discussing "the eighth graders" with Lou (not Guna @ the time, but Lou)... (sorry, other junior high memories hurt to go back to... like hurt in their correlation to now)... 20. Twenty. No more teenager. Not adult. Twenty.
I still have nine more months to chew on that.
Michael, have a safe flight. Bring back cowboy stuff that I can wear to the Kenny Chesney/Rascal Flatts concert. It'll be skirt wearing weather while you're gone. Don't get mistaken for the father of the children.
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