dude, i feel like ass. how sick is the flu shot supposed to make you?? i think i'm just making it worsed by being stressed and unhappy all the live long day. yes i said worsed. i didn't mean to say worsed, that's how out of it i am. no, really. my first day of work is tomorrow and at the interview, that was when i was beginning to get sick, because i kept coughing during the whole time he was talking and i felt so rude, but there i was, and now im actually working and i have to arrive to my dance class where i have to dance around and im wearing my professional clothes because i have to come straight from work. my mind is a mess right now. what calms me down, what destresses me? can't go shopping but i'm finally coming to terms with that budget thing. and if i feel like trekking downtown in the next few days, i'd better be willing to do it in the rain.

but yeah. that's it. unhappy and stressed and sick. and it's like, neverending.

halloween made me feel old. old and boring. would dressing up like a ho and calling it a costume and allowing myself to be groped on castro and getting all beligerent at my friend's house not make me feel old and boring, though? probably not. i just should have made caramel apples, that would have made me feel better. yeah like an old grandma.

there's this guy in one of my classes that looks like jamie mcmurray. WITH the piercing blue eyes. i blame this fixation on all of those adolescent years reading about the baby sitters club and adopting their idea of hot white guys. HA i can't believe i just admitted that. even this guy's name is what i used to think (and still do somewhat, for whatever reason) is the atypical hot white guy's name. AND he's a double major. it's ok. he'll be "the dream", along with a le creuset french oven and a kitchen aid deluxe stand mixer and basically everything in the tiffany catalogue and those hot ass charles david heels (which ones? does it matter, hello, it's charles david, it's the dream!). the dream is my term for the unattainable, the what i wish for in the future because there's no way it's happening now, and it's so out of my league because of cost or timing or those paul walker kind of blue eyes that it's just not going to happen. the dream. basically it's all looking and no touching. well, maybe a little on that le creuset french oven. have you SEEN those curves? =) le sigh.

talking about the dream has made me feel better. it's like window shopping but better. thanks. happy dia de los muertos. oops, i was supposed to go to church today, wasn't i? damn.