cha said that blogger is more like a journal than the whole xanga thing where it's all interactive and other people can put their input... so i need to talk about things i feel inside and that i cant tell ANYONE (and i do mean anyone) bc everyone makes me feel uncomfortable so im forced to keep things to myself.
ever since i was ten... yeah ten. i was the person that people can talk to about serious stuff... like when people had problems i can listen & respond to without responding with one word things and "aw forreals... dang..." type of things you know? I was better than that. I guess it's ongoing to this day. the problem with being that person tho... is that that person always gets ignored... im the serious one... not the person you laugh with and have all the inside jokes and gets invited to the weekly movie and/or mall outing.
I'm overlooked, to put it quite simply. Tired of it? Oh yeah... it's really like I dont exist. Feelings of WORTHLESSNESS have arisen lately. I dont know why, but it's like everyone really makes me feel quite...worthless. No worth anything. Having no value. Not important. Not that I need to feel important... it's just that it's nice not to be ignored and overlooked for all that you do.
I mean, I do like listening and talking to people about serious stuff... but seriously the best thing about that is the gratitude that I get from it all... but when it's like... like I know I did something good... but it's like... not that it was for nothing... but there's no recognition for it... then what the hell is it for?
If you couldn't tell, today wasnt a very good day for me. I'm still tired now... why am I online?... an effort (in vain) to make it better. Not working.
It's like when I'd come home with good grades... and my parents didnt even act like they cared... so it's like, what the hell did I bust my ass for? Yeah, I'm proud of my accomplishments... but without recognition, it's like it never even happened.
It's like... when people think of you as a close friend... but you're the only one who knows that... you know? Like they tell you that and they act all grateful that you're so whatever whatever, but then in public... you're completely forgotten. Like you don't even exist.
In an episode of Buffy, people treated this girl like she didn't exist, and she turned invisible. I keep waiting for that to happen. Either that... or make it happen myself... you know... disappear?...
ever since i was ten... yeah ten. i was the person that people can talk to about serious stuff... like when people had problems i can listen & respond to without responding with one word things and "aw forreals... dang..." type of things you know? I was better than that. I guess it's ongoing to this day. the problem with being that person tho... is that that person always gets ignored... im the serious one... not the person you laugh with and have all the inside jokes and gets invited to the weekly movie and/or mall outing.
I'm overlooked, to put it quite simply. Tired of it? Oh yeah... it's really like I dont exist. Feelings of WORTHLESSNESS have arisen lately. I dont know why, but it's like everyone really makes me feel quite...worthless. No worth anything. Having no value. Not important. Not that I need to feel important... it's just that it's nice not to be ignored and overlooked for all that you do.
I mean, I do like listening and talking to people about serious stuff... but seriously the best thing about that is the gratitude that I get from it all... but when it's like... like I know I did something good... but it's like... not that it was for nothing... but there's no recognition for it... then what the hell is it for?
If you couldn't tell, today wasnt a very good day for me. I'm still tired now... why am I online?... an effort (in vain) to make it better. Not working.
It's like when I'd come home with good grades... and my parents didnt even act like they cared... so it's like, what the hell did I bust my ass for? Yeah, I'm proud of my accomplishments... but without recognition, it's like it never even happened.
It's like... when people think of you as a close friend... but you're the only one who knows that... you know? Like they tell you that and they act all grateful that you're so whatever whatever, but then in public... you're completely forgotten. Like you don't even exist.
In an episode of Buffy, people treated this girl like she didn't exist, and she turned invisible. I keep waiting for that to happen. Either that... or make it happen myself... you know... disappear?...
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