OMG. So much to talk about... bitch about? Same thing!

I'm sick. Or I'm going to be sick. I have that sick feeling that lingers in my throat, and that tired all I want to do is lie in bed feeling. Yeah. That feeling sucks.

I'm sick because I'm stressed out. I haven't been stressed out in ages. Seriously. I can't even remember the last time I was stressed out. Sure, I'd be busy and have back to back things to do and deadlines and all that great shit, but now... it's stress. It's stress because I'm telling myself it is and I'm letting it all get to me. What's so stressful?

Starting college, my period and my new job all in one day. One after the other, back to back. I'm already nervous as it is about all of the new things going on, I don't need to be crampy and nauseated. And with the cramps come the bad moods, which of course I take out on all those near & dear to me (bc I know that as evil I can be to them, they'll love me no matter what, therefore, it is easy to treat them as my punching bags, as unfair and uncalled for as it is [i know, i hate doing it, but it's instinct for me]). So of course I get into fights with my mom & the bf.

I'm still stressed now bc school hasn't really started yet... i've only had half of the classes I'm taking this semester, and the first day is always syllabi stuff, read this, review that. it isn't hardcore shit yet. even tho i'm already frightened so I'm trying to get half of my hw done before I get back to the dorms...

Yes I'm in vallejo right now. It's funny how i didn't even know I missed this place until i was in it. I don't know... it feels weird being here. It's my second day here (sort of...) and it makes me kind of sad that I'm leaving tomorrow.

I'm lonely. I thought that I felt more lonely in the dorms, but when there's no one to be around here either (family is away, bf has hw, friends are... either visiting with their families or in their dorms, or enjoying their last weekend of summer)... it's lonely right now. I'm feeling moody, mostly sad.

I hate being fake when I feel not happy. When I go to work feeling like shit, but I can't act that way, especially around customers cause that's just not good... I hate putting up a front like that. & then when you talk to people you're friends with, but not close or comfortable enough to tell them how you're really feeling... =( that just makes me feel lonlier.

Sorry about this downer of a blog right now. (by the way, did you know that "blog" isn't a word in the dictionary?? how wrong is that... yet another thing you figure out through literati [which you misspelled on your blog, Steph! your slept deprevation showed!]) Maybe it's just because I'm stessed out that I tend to think negatively, but it really does feel like most of the aspects of my life right now aren't in my favour.

I loved seeing everyone yesterday @ Krystal's cotillion, not to mention that I loved her dances. They were all complicated and sexy... they made me excited for my ballroom class.

I think I might have the piercing bug right now, but then I know that my ears get infected with anything that's not "real", real meaning gold or that shit that doesnt rust or anything, u know? Not anything that they sell in Claire's. That sucks.

Maybe I need to cheer myself up & buy a new pair of boots or something. I need some cheering up. I wish I knew how to go about doing that. Maybe get a makeover & spend 40 dollars worth of shit @ MAC. Or learning how not to be intimidated by the Chanel counter.

People leave messages on my Chatterbox. That cheers me up, especially cause it means that people are interested in my life & respond to it. I guess that makes up for me being so hermit-y & not telling anyone anything anymore.

Although I often think about things & then tell myself that I could never post it up here bc it's too personal & could be offensive, and contrary to popular belief, I do enforce the necessary censorship.

I like using big words here bc college makes me feel... small. & rather silly, silly in the ridiculous sense, not in the joking giggly sense. Well, almost in the giggly sense, but in the bad kind, not the good kind.

Repeating the apology earlier... sorry abou the downer blog. Wil try to post when something cheers me up. Bye.