i have ennui... and i feel déprimé...
i did not know that that souldecision song "faded" talks about how he feels faded but he wants to hookup and he feels that tonight is the night... while being "faded". total blonde moment.
sorry for the long post before. so my coworkers, all older than me, were all saying how they saw their exes and how they age better than they do and now their exes look all gross and they think i was with you for how long??...
i agree. there was a period of time where my exes were my best friends, because of course, they knew so much about me already, and they had accepted & loved it, and then not so much love as in i love you love, but more like, i accept you as a human being now let's have some good times without the making out, and you can pay for your own shit now.
but yeah, that period of best friend exes is over. has been, officially since summer of 03. sad. i really liked that time. it was hard for me to get over losing them as friends because i remembered them as the kick ass people who were always down for me... but i had to realize that they had changed, and they were no longer the people that i had counted on before. the people they had become were not the kind of people i wanted to trust or tell anything secretive to. it's still difficult, to this day, to accept that. in hindsight we see 20/20. sometimes, not always.
but yes, with some, i wonder and what exactly did i see in you at the time?? right now, even tho i have ennui and deprime, i dont feel bitter towards them. usually i do... but i think i feel ok with that once upon a time, these people made me hella happy. and that time was not "forever, foralways, 637, eternal" etc. wow, gross. anyways...
i feel different, but i know around my closest friends, im not. i know that with those people, i can go back to being how i always am around them, and feel completely wonderful and comfortable in my own skin around them. i wish i could be around them more. but im sure if i was, i'd be wishing for more private time, more independence... what i seem to have more of now.
ok i gotta go handwash some things that need to be handwashed. and pack lunch, isht it's already 945.
i did not know that that souldecision song "faded" talks about how he feels faded but he wants to hookup and he feels that tonight is the night... while being "faded". total blonde moment.
sorry for the long post before. so my coworkers, all older than me, were all saying how they saw their exes and how they age better than they do and now their exes look all gross and they think i was with you for how long??...
i agree. there was a period of time where my exes were my best friends, because of course, they knew so much about me already, and they had accepted & loved it, and then not so much love as in i love you love, but more like, i accept you as a human being now let's have some good times without the making out, and you can pay for your own shit now.
but yeah, that period of best friend exes is over. has been, officially since summer of 03. sad. i really liked that time. it was hard for me to get over losing them as friends because i remembered them as the kick ass people who were always down for me... but i had to realize that they had changed, and they were no longer the people that i had counted on before. the people they had become were not the kind of people i wanted to trust or tell anything secretive to. it's still difficult, to this day, to accept that. in hindsight we see 20/20. sometimes, not always.
but yes, with some, i wonder and what exactly did i see in you at the time?? right now, even tho i have ennui and deprime, i dont feel bitter towards them. usually i do... but i think i feel ok with that once upon a time, these people made me hella happy. and that time was not "forever, foralways, 637, eternal" etc. wow, gross. anyways...
i feel different, but i know around my closest friends, im not. i know that with those people, i can go back to being how i always am around them, and feel completely wonderful and comfortable in my own skin around them. i wish i could be around them more. but im sure if i was, i'd be wishing for more private time, more independence... what i seem to have more of now.
ok i gotta go handwash some things that need to be handwashed. and pack lunch, isht it's already 945.
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