I talked with a friend that I met about two and a half years ago... March of 2003. We got to talking about fear... how much it takes to overcome it... be ready to face it... how so many people can't... and then today I realized...
even if you face it... even if you say that you've already overcome your fears... something can happen that can shake you up, your mindset can switch back to off, and you can become fearful again.
the fear prevents us from doing so much. from being better than what we are. from what me and my friend were saying... from being pushed to your full potential, to your limits.
the fear stops progress. fear creates silence.
i am afraid to ask for help. i am afraid to ask someone, anyone, because i am desperate, to be there for me, to allow me to cry for a very long time, to talk things out with me without being judgemental, with knowing my intentions, with understanding the situation... i am afraid to put myself out there to ask. but i guess i inadvertantly just did that.
so, congrats, dre, that you are achieving the passions in your life. it took a lot to get where you are, but take heart in realizing that some people just stop, while you kept going. i admire that.
i want to stop. i want to quit. i want to stop putting myself out there only to get hurt. i want to stop sacrificing and silencing myself in order to please others.
it's when i started being quiet, when i started censoring myself because what i was saying offended others... that's when i stopped being me. and then it just spread to people i didn't like to people who used to be close to me to my closest closest friend. i closed myself off because i didn't feel comfortable enough to say what i felt. and i am ashamed of that. i am no longer true to myself.
i am having a very bad year. it's sad and regretful because there are more downs that ups to look back upon. even when i try to adjust, when i try to make changes... it just makes things worse.
i wish i didnt feel so on my own in making things right.
i hate that i have no time for myself, and i have to keep putting up a face to please others.
even if you face it... even if you say that you've already overcome your fears... something can happen that can shake you up, your mindset can switch back to off, and you can become fearful again.
the fear prevents us from doing so much. from being better than what we are. from what me and my friend were saying... from being pushed to your full potential, to your limits.
the fear stops progress. fear creates silence.
i am afraid to ask for help. i am afraid to ask someone, anyone, because i am desperate, to be there for me, to allow me to cry for a very long time, to talk things out with me without being judgemental, with knowing my intentions, with understanding the situation... i am afraid to put myself out there to ask. but i guess i inadvertantly just did that.
so, congrats, dre, that you are achieving the passions in your life. it took a lot to get where you are, but take heart in realizing that some people just stop, while you kept going. i admire that.
i want to stop. i want to quit. i want to stop putting myself out there only to get hurt. i want to stop sacrificing and silencing myself in order to please others.
it's when i started being quiet, when i started censoring myself because what i was saying offended others... that's when i stopped being me. and then it just spread to people i didn't like to people who used to be close to me to my closest closest friend. i closed myself off because i didn't feel comfortable enough to say what i felt. and i am ashamed of that. i am no longer true to myself.
i am having a very bad year. it's sad and regretful because there are more downs that ups to look back upon. even when i try to adjust, when i try to make changes... it just makes things worse.
i wish i didnt feel so on my own in making things right.
i hate that i have no time for myself, and i have to keep putting up a face to please others.
1 Comments:
its been a long bad year for me too. its hard to remember anything but the negatives.
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