im... upset. grumpy. taking out my frustrations because everything feels like it's upsetting me all at once again.

i really should have taken some time off between work and school. but i didnt. because i need the money.

sometimes i wonder if i make time for the people i care about... and it's not about me not having time, its about me not haing the means to show them that i want to make the time, i guess. does that make sense?

there are people who i feel are there for me and hear me out and i can be honest to. there are people who i feel connected to, even if we go on for months without talking. there are people who i feel that the "title" is there, but all of the substance is not... there is no trust, no talking, hardly any communication, it feels... like it's for the sake of it, not like our hearts are in it.

im trying to figure out what my part in all of this is. maybe i should treat it like i would a romantic relationship. sometimes the chemistry is there, sometimes there's not. there are exes, and you may wish to go back to the good ole days with them, but you need to realize that they've become someone else, and the magic's just not there anymore. and then there are people you just have natural chemistry with, whether you've tried being without them or not. it's just indifferent, it is how it is. it's not forced.

im trying to figure out whythings have evolved to what they are today. some things i understand, some things i dont. im grateful for the things that have worked out positively, for the moments where i can smile and feel grateful for the person, for the moment... and i wish for more of those moments whenever im feeling lonely or abandoned, something i've felt a lot of this summer.

i think im... not mad anymore, but i used to be mad... maybe, appalled... because the people that i thought would care more... dont. or they dont show it. or they do and i dont see it. or it's not enough. i dont know.

im having issues.