this entry will be very self-depricating. if everyoneelse is shitting on me then why shouldnt i join?





it's been a shitty week.








but sometimes i feel so numb that it doesnt matter anymore...

but then again... maybe the pain is that intense that everything else feels numb...

i feel like i've deserved this week. for everything that i've done, for everything i've made others do, with or without knowing it... i deserve to feel this way, if not worse.

i'm a very unqualified person who doesnt make a good impression. im just not good enough. im not good enough to be accepted, and im not good enough to be loved or cared for or wanted much. ive always known this, and sometimes ive lied to myself to get through. but ive always known and there's someone else to thank for reminding me of this. you know who you are. you cant honestly believe that you said all of that and not meant it... we both know that you did, whole heartedly, and you know what... i agree with you. if that's the last thing we agree upon then, so be it.


i only hope that one day i can learn to give up my pains to God. He can carry me through this, one day, and make me strong enough again. but for now...

i'm hella sad. soooo disappointed. stupid ma'arte girl who got in. roooooor. goodbye 21st birthday in california.

at least i have Vikrum. he makes me feel better. he comforted me while i stressed this morning. him and the pancakes did. what is it about my school and bomb ass breakfast food? like, best i've ever had bomb ass. never going back to bisquick bomb ass.

i have dippin dots to look forward to on thursday. dippin dots. just saying it makes me feel better about being overcharged for it.

monsters inc is NOT supposed to have classic rock and roll and broadway songs thrown in. the abominable snowman was absent. disappointed. but we got a bomb ass hat w/cotton candy & a sno cone. rock.

BAH. still mad.

by the way cha i saw that uncut thing on bet. all of these like basement made rap videos. i saw one with a white guy rapping badly and then this big black girl in a bikini was humping his leg like a dog in heat. hilarious.

jami, talk to me about that thing that you talked about before! if it's going to happen next year, i may have information to further your thinking process.

bah. someone make me feel better. dont make vikrum do all the work.