Just lemme bitch a teeny weeny bit.

So I woke up this morning around eight to some dry heaving funn into a grocery bag... laid in bed for a couple of hours, made the mistake of getting up to go to the bathroom, as it resulted in more dry heaving...

Food went down alright, but went to brush my teeth, and then the uncomfortableness came again as I tried to settle back into bed. Sent out some emails apologizing to the professors and warning one that I was sick and might not be able to make it to class tomorrow, to which she reminded me of the policy of penalizing late speeches. Eep. Am now proceeding to rework paper, then make speech out of paper.

Requested Nurse Quan to bring me some solid food, which I ate a bit too quickly, felt nauseated again, then remembered that I had to register for Fall semester. Went to website to register, cannot access, am forced to walk my ass for the first time today outside in sweats, no makeup, crappy hair, to the registrar's to sign up for classes, for fear of them filling up. Understand that my upchuck reflex arrives as soon as I am standing upright, strangely, not when I consume food.

So here I am, down to my last two Midol pills, and I can't wear my heat pad anymore because a piece of skin has kinda torn off, or burned off or something, it doesn't hurt, but it's not good to put the heat directly on broken skin. =(

So yes. That was my journey of the day. Guys... count your blessings about not having to shed your ovarian lining once a month. I dream of menopause.

I've finally found out what can lessen my PMS.


CORNY BUBBLEGUM POP SONGS

98 degrees, pre-Nick & Jessica... I miss my TRL days. BSB vs NSYNC, Christina pre dirrrty...

Guna, he says that it makes the boobs bigger, but I don't think so. I miss you!!

change is scary... but inevitable, along with death and taxes... it's weird to think of myself in freshman year... what i thought, what i expected of myself, what i hoped for, all that good isht... not to say that i've minded, becoming the person i am now... it's hurt... but kind of a good hurt... if that makes sense in a non scary way.

i feel the need or want to lose myself in something... i'm a little creatively stuck here, seeing that... i have a speech on thursday, a couple of mini papers due on wednesday, my period probably on wednesday (overshare? nah, those of you who read probably already know my menstrual cycle anyway... shit, what's to hide, y'all know you bleed once a month... unless you've got some y chromosomes creepin around in your double helixes)... work friday through sunday... plus Michael's gone for the week... so yes, creatively limited.

Comfort soup. That sounds nice. The vegetable kind.

i sure could use a joseph fred hug right now. it was nice how those lifted up my mood instantly senior year. those hugs, tv dinners, and fourth period kept me sane... i think things could be that simple again if i let it, but we all know what a drama queen i am (internally, stephie, if not spoken)... so simple is out.

Michael spilled cofffee (MY coffee, too!) on my floor. it smells of coffee and febreeze right now. if this happened last week, i'd have fallen off of the proverbial wagon. kahlua is sweet. it would have been a good coffee substitute during easter...

so part of me wants to go back ot the past when i felt self-actualized... i kind of forget when in high school that was, but there was a time where the self esteem level was... really balanced. and then another part of me wants to fast forward to 2010... married, settled, job... responsibilities, but i'd be able to live my life with my soulmate, and we'd take care of each other, keep each other sane...

but i know what i should have is... happiness to be in the present. i think my baby steps will be... looking forward to paychecks... Spain (I am an island, Michael, I'm bloody Ibiza!)

did i tell you? they're shippin me off to the motherland come January 2005.

I'll be twenty shortly after that. Wow. 20. No fuckin way... it's harder to imagine it when I think of it... in a non relatively way, when I just think of myself, not me and all my friends being "old"... just when I think of myself being in junior high, dressing my dolls in foil, discussing "the eighth graders" with Lou (not Guna @ the time, but Lou)... (sorry, other junior high memories hurt to go back to... like hurt in their correlation to now)... 20. Twenty. No more teenager. Not adult. Twenty.

I still have nine more months to chew on that.

Michael, have a safe flight. Bring back cowboy stuff that I can wear to the Kenny Chesney/Rascal Flatts concert. It'll be skirt wearing weather while you're gone. Don't get mistaken for the father of the children.

hi all... eventful weekend... Jae I'm jealous about the purse... the blue one? The small one or the big one? Yes, definitely jealous... have funn coordinating all of the outfits!...

Saturday... worked... it was okay but then the fact that everyone else had bad days made me have a not so happy feeling... but I do like feeling productive... it makes me feel useful, and that feeling... hasn't been around lately... course, I only have myself to blame for that, but I haven't had proper inspiration to become useful... but Europe in July is plenty inspiration for now... it feels okay paying for my own stuff... independent... and being someone close to home and the generous boyfriend that I've had for quite some time... there's definitely that need to feel independent with me... ongoing...

Today... went to church, but found it difficult to absorb some of the information and lessons because the people behind me kept talking... too bad they quited down during the last half, but at that time... there's no new lesson to absorb really... so I was kind of disappointed with that... afterwards, me & Michael went over to Starbuck's so I could purchase my venti nonfat iced toffee nut latte (which, according to Roo, will permanently be on the menu, as new additions will come in May)... then we stopped by Krispy Kreme for Easter offerings...

arrived @ Roo's house, impressed by the fact that there were no moving boxes lying around... and we just had lunch with the extended family while watching the Kings/Lakers game... NICE! Roo showed off her TIVO... watching people get excited about tv golf is funny... reactions are cool... it's nice to see people excited in a non arrogant way, you know? Like (sorry Michael) in basketball, as soon as they do something cool, they hella think they're the shit... but in golf... like they're genuinely happy... I know this doesn't make much sense...

I guess I just like observing others' happiness... especially when it's unselfish... just pure, unadulterated happiness... it's all self-less and right and genuine...

I'm babbling. I'm sorry.

Pictures from Miami now available. =D Convertables look nice on camera.

SO DO PRELUDES. I like your car Michael. I like being seen in your car. Your car is funn. It is not the reason I am dating you. You know I'd love you just the same if you were picking me up on a Ducati. =)