I like how everyone has a life on this Saturday night & therefore does not blog!! Ha, guess what that says about me... that I'm a homebody who enjoys vegging out with her cats in front of the television.

Had work today... sometimes therapeutic, but I mostly felt tired. I noticed that when everyone else complained about being tired or wanting to go home early, I was quick to agree. I'm such a psychological pushover.

After work, Michael picked me up, we exchanged my shoes for comfy dorm slippers, then he dropped me off @ home so he could watch Jeepers Creepers 2 with his sister & I could go to Tony's with the parentals. Me & them sorta got into it in the car on the way to work this morning bc they were doing the tough love isht that I needed to hear but not bc it's not exactly comforting you know?... but yeah. It was all ok after work.

I don't like feeling tired and sick all the time but not really having any symptoms and stuff.

Okay what's funny or ironic that I can put on this blog?... I really like my fuzzy slippers. Seriously. =)

My parens & I made apple pie tonight. I think it's almost done. MMM We stole the apples from our neighbor's tree that drapes over our side of the fence.

How do I vote on October 7th if I'm registered in Solano County but I will be residing in San Francisco County??? Someone help! MY VOICE HAS TO MATTER DAMMIT!! A quote unquote from your friendly political science major =)

I hope that I don't become one of those people who are hella dependent on their significant other in order to feel happy. I think that what I thought, and what he (and many others) have reminded me of, will be true... that it just takes time to adjust, and that friends will be made.

In the end everything is okay. If it's not okay, then it's not the end. (Don't quote me on that, I got it from somewhere)... Michael, that's why when you ask me if I'm going to be okay, I just tell you reluctantly that I have to be okay because there really isn't any other choice.

Rants! So I'm watching the news right now bc I haven't watched the news in awhile, or read a newspaper for that matter, I have to start shortcutting the Chronicle to my pc, eh? Anyways, so they're saying how they're cancelling that football game between Oakland Tech & Berkeley bc they got tipped off that there'd be a lil rumble rumble going on in the audience. Apparently, things have happened in the crowd where the people fighting weren't even students of either school that was playing. What the hell is that? THATS why I'm such a homebody, bc drama drama like that happens and hell no do I want to get entangled in such isht. & hi, I'm from Vallejo, you know isht like that happens too often.

I know this isn't the same as fighting @ football games, but when we went to Pasta P today, people were jay walking around the area like it was nothing... to me that's kind of ghetto. Come on now, it's not San Francisco downtown district where pedestrians are mostly in office wear trying to catch the next MUNI. Oh no. Here, it is the underaged and mostly undereducated who are just too ignorant to walk their ass a block to the stoplight, where they can legally cross.

I'm nit-picky sometimes, on certain things... can you tell?

Whenever bad things happen to me, I can't help but think of someone who's just waiting for bad things to happen to me, so he/she can be satisfied that karma worked its magic once again. It's like one of those bad horror movies... "What are you waiting for, huh? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR???!?!?" :spinning around in circles, looking upwards so some camera can look down my shirt:

I like how I cut some drama out of my life by cutting out some people who bring the drama with them. Throughout the new stress going on, it's nice to imagine that it could be worse because of that. Drama is all in the mind, most of the time. Selective memory. Or just being ignorant (the negative way of putting it).

I bought stamps today! I didn't post what I did in the morning with my mom... we got our hair cut... went to Olive Garden... went to the post office so I could buy stamps & write to "tiger" & the "hornet" (& eventually those anteaters & aggies & [I don't know what the mascot is for Riverside!])... went to Costco... went to Safeway & saw Joey! I didn't even know I missed Joey till I gave him a hug & said hello. For some reason, I'm hella missing last year's English class, especially Lesley & Gema & Deanna. WUTHERING HEIGHTS ON MTV 9/7 (I think it's on the seventh, maybe it's on the fourteenth???)

Wow this blog is longer than I thought it would be. I thought it would just be me bitching again. Nice to know the silver lining still exists.

Jet black... not ebony... not blackest black... but jet black? Who coined that phrase? How many black jets have you seen?

I miss my boyfriend. He made me feel hella happy today. I'm so glad that I got to spend time with him... we just ate @ Pasta P, cause we haven't done that in awhile, then to Target & Payless & then back to his house to watch a bootleg Friends episode he dled on his computer. It was nice... comfortable. I haven't felt that way in awhile.

I don't know if I'm being so melodramatic to say that I feel unloved. Not unloved, definitely not by family & Michael. Maybe... unpopular? Does that make sense? Unattended to... neglected? Maybe. It's hard to put it into words. I know I bring it onto myself tho, by being such an anti-social hermit all the time.

Everyone, everywhere, keeps saying that the first few months of starting school are hard bc you're still trying to adjust. How come that doesn't make anything more reassurng tho? I'm afraid of a lot of things, things that I'm not usually afraid of. Or maybe it's just that it's been awhile since I've had to be scared of anything.

How did I adjust so well to high school? I didn't have as many adversities as I feel I do now.

My gratitude goes out to Luana, who simply talked and understood me Wednesday night. It helped so much to know that there was someone out there who not only understood my situation, but understood me. I wish she were around more often to advise me & listen to my bitching and moaning.

I guess it shows that I'm haven't been feeling well emotionally lately because I don't feel good physically. I feel tired & sore. Today it kind of felt like I wanted to throw up, but not.

I think being at work tomorrow will make me feel better because I've made some great friendships with the people there. Being out with Michael made me feel better too. He noticed my hair as soon as he saw me, which was a pleasant surprise.

What else... I still think I need to go shopping to make me feel better but spending money makes me feel sad. I want a pair of pink Steve Madden heels but I have nowhere to wear them to. =( Shoes... I need slippers for the dorm. Makeup... 9.10.03. =D Free gift @ Clinique!! Yay. What else can cheer me up?...

Homework makes me sad tho. I always feel stressed out and overwhelmed when I think about it, even tho when I get it done it doesn't feel like that much. Shouldn't I feel more accomplished tho? =/

=( I feel a little bad bc I just got off the phone with the bf hella fast so I can post & cause my mom's in the room so I couldn't say I love You back. Whoops.

This home computer is quite slow. & for some reason my keys dont type well. I don't like it. Now I can't post. Bye.

Who wants to go see the Dalai Lama with me on Friday?

No, I'm serious. I'm thinking of going. He's visiting USF for whatever reasons, and he's speaking once in the morning & once in the afternoon. I'm getting persuaded into going, especially because I have nothing to do on Friday... my only class was cancelled because of it. So yeah... let me know!!

Uhm... I'm a little bored... but then I have homework to do so I can't be bored right?...

I miss Disney channel. I'm sure you've heard that from Steph.

I woke up cause of the thunder this morning... it's strange walking from class to class thinking that I'm living the college life but then that's kind of an oxymoron for me right because college life is just plain life for me... could u follow all of that? I'm in the middle of heavy duty multitasking here, so sorry if I'm a bit jumbled up right now.

I miss my boyfriend. He made me this wonderful collage of me & him. It's my wallpaper now. It makes me miss him even more tho. I denno, I know it's a little mushy type of thing, but then it's like, we haven't been going out for over twenty months... it's like we're still in that cute obsessive early phase. That makes me happy. The possibility of seeing him on Friday makes me happy too.

Classes have been okay so far. My teachers are quite down to earth and not all monotone boring (yet). I'm just a sleepy person I think. I'm intimidated too, by those students who are outspoken and sure of themselves. Not to mention those upperclassmen who I've somehow gotten the luck to be in the same class with, even tho I'm taking a lot of 101s (those are the beginner classes, for all those reading who don't frequent the college language).

Sorry I know this is boring. I got signed off yesterday when I had a silly weird blog where I said something that I wouldn't normally say... even out loud, even to someone super close to me... but yeah all is forgotten and no use crying to what could have been, eh?

I love you all... hope you're taking care... I MISS YOU.

It's gonna be the NOSTALGIC blog today! Cause nothing has really happened yet so yeah... well I'll go on & on about it all....

So I'm looking through xangas and it looks like it's OMG WUTHERING HEIGHTS IS GOING TO BE AN MTV MOVIE! Speaking of English class from senior year, my bookstore sells a Jon Krakauer book about like a dangerous faith where they have to kill a mama and her children because God says so or something. Sorry I interrupted myself in that first sentence, LOL, I'm watching mtv too so yeah.

So yes... the xangas! The new people... Ryan, Chris, Clarisse, Jeremy!! It's exciting. It's funny cause they're all still new to it & Clarisse sounds so excited and positive and just so... her!! I miss her positivity... cause I swear, I know I'm being negative while I'm saying that, but there's SOO much negativity in this world that's it's ridiculous... it isn't even about valid things tho so it's weird. Yeah....

Me & Steph went to Lucky Penny today for lunch bc she's anti Bon Appetit food. It was pretty good and about five blocks up Masonic & yeah... we called Mr. Ross too on the way there and then he called back when we were eating and it was his birthday & we didn't even know so it was COOL!... he made us sad cause i don't know... he just made us kind of remember the way things were and how we were super involved back at spsv and now we're turning all hermit like cause we're all hecka freaked out about every little fucking thing... I don't know. Later I'm probably going to have to really think about what he's said so far... cause well I don't know... I don't know!!!

Uhm what else now. Had French class this morning. Yes Cha, my teacher mostly speaks french. It's ok so far. I'm not too overwhelmed in that class, but just wait until I'm seriously graded on that shit! I should be doing hw... I have class in like twenty something minutes actually.

Ok then more later bye.

OMG. So much to talk about... bitch about? Same thing!

I'm sick. Or I'm going to be sick. I have that sick feeling that lingers in my throat, and that tired all I want to do is lie in bed feeling. Yeah. That feeling sucks.

I'm sick because I'm stressed out. I haven't been stressed out in ages. Seriously. I can't even remember the last time I was stressed out. Sure, I'd be busy and have back to back things to do and deadlines and all that great shit, but now... it's stress. It's stress because I'm telling myself it is and I'm letting it all get to me. What's so stressful?

Starting college, my period and my new job all in one day. One after the other, back to back. I'm already nervous as it is about all of the new things going on, I don't need to be crampy and nauseated. And with the cramps come the bad moods, which of course I take out on all those near & dear to me (bc I know that as evil I can be to them, they'll love me no matter what, therefore, it is easy to treat them as my punching bags, as unfair and uncalled for as it is [i know, i hate doing it, but it's instinct for me]). So of course I get into fights with my mom & the bf.

I'm still stressed now bc school hasn't really started yet... i've only had half of the classes I'm taking this semester, and the first day is always syllabi stuff, read this, review that. it isn't hardcore shit yet. even tho i'm already frightened so I'm trying to get half of my hw done before I get back to the dorms...

Yes I'm in vallejo right now. It's funny how i didn't even know I missed this place until i was in it. I don't know... it feels weird being here. It's my second day here (sort of...) and it makes me kind of sad that I'm leaving tomorrow.

I'm lonely. I thought that I felt more lonely in the dorms, but when there's no one to be around here either (family is away, bf has hw, friends are... either visiting with their families or in their dorms, or enjoying their last weekend of summer)... it's lonely right now. I'm feeling moody, mostly sad.

I hate being fake when I feel not happy. When I go to work feeling like shit, but I can't act that way, especially around customers cause that's just not good... I hate putting up a front like that. & then when you talk to people you're friends with, but not close or comfortable enough to tell them how you're really feeling... =( that just makes me feel lonlier.

Sorry about this downer of a blog right now. (by the way, did you know that "blog" isn't a word in the dictionary?? how wrong is that... yet another thing you figure out through literati [which you misspelled on your blog, Steph! your slept deprevation showed!]) Maybe it's just because I'm stessed out that I tend to think negatively, but it really does feel like most of the aspects of my life right now aren't in my favour.

I loved seeing everyone yesterday @ Krystal's cotillion, not to mention that I loved her dances. They were all complicated and sexy... they made me excited for my ballroom class.

I think I might have the piercing bug right now, but then I know that my ears get infected with anything that's not "real", real meaning gold or that shit that doesnt rust or anything, u know? Not anything that they sell in Claire's. That sucks.

Maybe I need to cheer myself up & buy a new pair of boots or something. I need some cheering up. I wish I knew how to go about doing that. Maybe get a makeover & spend 40 dollars worth of shit @ MAC. Or learning how not to be intimidated by the Chanel counter.

People leave messages on my Chatterbox. That cheers me up, especially cause it means that people are interested in my life & respond to it. I guess that makes up for me being so hermit-y & not telling anyone anything anymore.

Although I often think about things & then tell myself that I could never post it up here bc it's too personal & could be offensive, and contrary to popular belief, I do enforce the necessary censorship.

I like using big words here bc college makes me feel... small. & rather silly, silly in the ridiculous sense, not in the joking giggly sense. Well, almost in the giggly sense, but in the bad kind, not the good kind.

Repeating the apology earlier... sorry abou the downer blog. Wil try to post when something cheers me up. Bye.