Hi. Upset doesn't describe how I feel right now.
It's my selfish side... but the last time I pushed myself aside for someone else... and stored up all of my emotions... all of my emotions, my worrying was for waste... lesson learned? Fuck it all and just say how you feel bc when you can't do that... well I guess it's that shit about living in the moment, but then that's going against what I'm feeling right now too.
You're leaving. That's that. Anything else would be getting my hopes up over nothing, over a sixty percent chance, which isn't exactly that much. So fuck it, I'm not going to believe in a sixty percent chance. You're not even here for me now, what makes you think it's going to get better... two years. I've waited for you before and I don't know if I have it in me to do it again, you're really trying my patience here and it nearly killed me last time. I need something in return, I need more assurance, and all you're doing right now is running away and confirming the worst, that's all you're doing, you're not trying to talk to me. I'm not waiting around.
Politics paper & quiz tomorrow. The roommate says that I'm on top of my shit. I'm just getting shit done... but I hate how I'm the one who's busting ass, going to class, taking notes, and getting nowhere with it all... what the fuck is the point then... but what I am learning is just depressing me more and maybe it's my irrational thinking right now but I'm fancying living in another country right now...
thank GOD for the semester in DC. fuck yeah I'm going away. and maybe you're right, maybe i will end up loving it there and wanting to stay. what's the point, what's waiting at home for me?
it's about time i stand on my own two feet but i've had to crawl to get there.
I love you Deanna. Thank you for listening to me and my irrational babbling and somewhat relating. Sorry for busting in on your study time tho. I just hope you know that I'm here to reciprocate in a heartbeat if ever you need me. You keep me sane by preventing me from internally combusting from all of the shit I usually keep inside.
It's my selfish side... but the last time I pushed myself aside for someone else... and stored up all of my emotions... all of my emotions, my worrying was for waste... lesson learned? Fuck it all and just say how you feel bc when you can't do that... well I guess it's that shit about living in the moment, but then that's going against what I'm feeling right now too.
You're leaving. That's that. Anything else would be getting my hopes up over nothing, over a sixty percent chance, which isn't exactly that much. So fuck it, I'm not going to believe in a sixty percent chance. You're not even here for me now, what makes you think it's going to get better... two years. I've waited for you before and I don't know if I have it in me to do it again, you're really trying my patience here and it nearly killed me last time. I need something in return, I need more assurance, and all you're doing right now is running away and confirming the worst, that's all you're doing, you're not trying to talk to me. I'm not waiting around.
Politics paper & quiz tomorrow. The roommate says that I'm on top of my shit. I'm just getting shit done... but I hate how I'm the one who's busting ass, going to class, taking notes, and getting nowhere with it all... what the fuck is the point then... but what I am learning is just depressing me more and maybe it's my irrational thinking right now but I'm fancying living in another country right now...
thank GOD for the semester in DC. fuck yeah I'm going away. and maybe you're right, maybe i will end up loving it there and wanting to stay. what's the point, what's waiting at home for me?
it's about time i stand on my own two feet but i've had to crawl to get there.
I love you Deanna. Thank you for listening to me and my irrational babbling and somewhat relating. Sorry for busting in on your study time tho. I just hope you know that I'm here to reciprocate in a heartbeat if ever you need me. You keep me sane by preventing me from internally combusting from all of the shit I usually keep inside.