=) I feel better today bc @ Pasta Pomodoro I saw my old art buddie Andrew... he's never online & I hella miss talking to him, bc he's the one who made me feel hella appreciated late senior year...

Just about every day in May he would be all talking about how I was going off to college and how he was going to miss me because I was leaving and everything... & I don't think I appreciated it enough at the time bc it never seemed real to me... but now... it's more real than ever... & it's nice to know that someone cared... bc hardly anyone would and he was like the only one and I didn't know how to respond to it...

I'm confused. I like being a hermit bc I like being all peaceful and no drama and everything but of course I know that I'm missing something by not being around people and experiencing new things... but then sometimes it feels like I'm completely out of my element and therefore it's just weird for me... I'm a stickler to my comfort zone if you couldn't tell. =/ We'll see.

I'm a bit down right now if you couldn't tell. TRICIA thanks for reminding me how good it feels to make someone happy. TRICIA TRICIA TRICIA! Don't you miss your dogs?

PS Jenn Bacaltos I love you!!! It's not the end!! I'll update you about this weekend's work whatever whatever okay???

Tricia! I miss Tricia, seriously... she hasn't been saying anything about the hott weather over there, so I'm assuming she's okay with that... I hope you're taking your allergy medicine!! I want to watch a movie with you, or go to a bookstore here with you bc yes... yes...

Cha.. okay so peace and carrots? It's like I want peace AND vegetables. Health emotionally, spiritually, and physically?... Piece of cake!...

On Monday I might be meeting up with an old friend (OLD friend... old as in long ago... I'm older than him... but we haven't talked since my graduation party I don't think...)... & he's going to take me to Japantown & then hopefully BOBA! I hella want boba. I actually really want Thai food too, from Rascha Cafe so I can have boneless duck with spinach and Rad Na with shrimp and broccoli, shiet...

UHHM... right now I'm just killing time till my dad gets here... Wutherning Heights is on AGAIN but I still haven't watched it from the beginning tho... that guy that Guna thinks is hott is on it tho, what's his name, from Malcolm in the Middle.

I'm wearing shorts... and I'm in San Francisco... truly the Indian summer, if I really dd know the meaning of that.. it's actually pretty windy outside but I'm assuming in my dad's car & then in Vallejo it'll be warm so yes. Yes.

I'm the shortest person in my stats class by three inches. My teacher took the stats on our heights to show a histogram or something and yeah... =) But then there are all this as Eileen Gail would say "pooties", pootie chicks to be exact and they're all 5'9 and shit. Hot damn. I think one guy is actually 6'10... a full two feet taller than me. But then I don't know... I don't get the same aww you're so small and little attention that I did when I was @ spsv... @ spsv, that's when I actually realized that I was as short as I was.

I know there was more I had to say but I don't remember now. Sorry. Piece of cake yall... I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE MY CHILDREN*!!!


* children means cats. Just ask Michael or Roo... yes.

Omgeeze so okay Cha was complaining about people say she's hella short & stuff and then I was just thinking that NO ONE has said anything about my shortness while I've been here the past month. That's HELLA weird... I think Owen said something about it online or something but I can't remember... but it's not the same! I haven't made any guy friends who make that comment! Remember, Owen, the white guys here aren't like you... they're all Abercrombied out or they smoke or they try to sound all smart in a bullshitty way. Haha, bullshitty... it's funny if you say it out loud (which I'm actually not doing right now bc there are other people in the room and just saying "bullshitty" out of nowhere isn't cool).

What else... I survived my first speech... I kind of want to watch myself bc we videotaped it but then I'm afraid cause that's just hella weird you know?... Anyways... yeah...

Okay I'm distracted right now more later buh bye!

Testing!

Look it's orange in honor of the Giants clinching the divisino title for the seventh time tonight. I'm not really a fan, I just watch the news...

I'm awake but now... cause it's midnight but there's no one to talk to, so here I am, essentially talking to myself but whatever!!

I'm starting to put things into perspective... no more worrying... just calming down about stuff... trying to calm down anyways... and it seems to be working... yay. Things will be okay. They have to be okay. In the end everything's okay but if it's not okay then it's not the end. End of story. =) That quote rocks like Fraggle. I bit offa my lil brother when he said that things rock like pebbles. I thought that was the cutest thing ever. So now I must mold it into my own... just like this whole peas and carrots thing that everyone says instead of "peace"... so I think that Food Network has molded me into saying piece of cake instead of "peace" or "peas and carrots". But it's a long thing to say so let's see if I even remember it.

Guna & Jennie were making funn of me... when I told them that Mike was here and then he left and now I'm doing french homework... they were all "okay have fun doing 'french hw' with Mike". Yes. I don't know, it seemed more humorous at the time??... whatever.

Much love and support goes out to all of you UC people who are offing aways this weekend. Don't get discouraged if things don't seem alright in the beginning... they will be if you give it time, as I'm still learning here (& I've been here for not even a month!)... I love all of you, and I hope that Ethernet will encourage us to stay online forever and keep in touch constantly. Among those this goes out to, in order to make this more personal, Guna, Clarisse, Jae, Charlene, Kath, Rach, Paula, Deanna, Drea, Joel... I'm sorry if I forgot you, don't think that just bc you're not in my mind at the moment, you'll always be in my heart.

HECKA CLICHE! =D I'm in a cliche mood. I'm just relieved I'm not in a sad/stressed/frantic mood, as I've been in the recent past.

Thank you so much Michael for visiting me & fixing my computer & just giving me a sense of... recollection. It was the first time in a LONG time that I haven't been hecka moody or pissed for no reason or exasperated. I don't know why... but I'm glad I was able to act normally around you again. Tell Marielle & Marvin I say hi!... I hope I get to see them before they leave!

Okay, my bed ALWAYS feels hella good when I go to bed at night lately. So I'm looking forward to it now... piece of cake everyone!

I need to reminice! Michael came over tonight & fixed up my computer (which he BROKE in the first place! hahaha but it's okay now it's like better than ever!) & then we just hung out... we ate, got coffee, I showed him the bookstore... I just felt comfortable all over again, like a big burden was lifted from my shoulders when he was here...

It made me think of times when there weren't any kind of burdens going on in my life. So I'm thinking of when Cha went for dim sum with my family in Milpitas & we got Vanilla Green Tea with pearls afterwards... when we got my pucca socks... when we all went rock climbing & I kicked ass & the boyfriend & Roo got all sad cause I showed them up ha! but yeah a certain someone who I shall not name kicked my ass but hella downplayed it... I wish me & him were still friends but... that's just the way it goes...

=( I miss watching movies with people & always getting ICEEs with Cha & then Tricia stopping @ every poster @ Edwards in Fairfield & commenting about how we couldn't wait for it to come out & stuff...


People were sharing their papers in Written & Oral yesterday & someone's paper reminded me of Ray... it brought me back to when Chrissytina told me what happened that morning... how I felt then... how me & Guna talked in her car at the parking lot of where the viewing was held & I confessed to her how unsure I felt about being there, about paying my respects bc it felt like I like, fake knew him you know?... like I wasn't even really part of his life so what was I doing there... and she said that bc I gave him his first kiss, I had the right to be there... & as silly as that sounds, when she said that, it brought me back to the time when he & I talked... how I felt all giddy about connecting with someone on a romantic level @ that point in time, when he went to my Hello Dance & just everything that happened with him... it made me miss him... it made me remember...

I'm sorry if I'm sounding sad right now. I'm actually feeling much better than I have in awhile, despite the fact that the only boba I've had in my system recently came from Jollibees and we purists all know how that goes... by the way Charlene, where'd you get your boba? Go to either Sweetheart Cafe (they have one in Berkeley & Oakland too) or QCup (Emeryville, Fremont, San Jose, Cupertino). Those places are quite the experts for the mm-that-made-my-day-boba.

Maybe more later... maybe. My stomach hella hurts... Tricia take care of yourself!!! Don't get sick... being sick is bad!!

Thank you Cha, Tricia, JennB, & Guna for leaving notes in my chatterbox. Even tho I'm already feeling better today, they made today better too, if that makes sense... ? Hopefully.

I'm proud of myself that I'm able to have a mood and not go off cursing & sounding hella ignorant... & I'm proud that all of my friends don't do that either, unless we're talking about something that's like, really irritating... so yes... yay to you all who don't sound ignorant... or as Jeremy would say, kudos to you. Hehe...

So I'm here in a computer lab bc my computer doesn't work! Only AIM... not aol, not internet explorer... NOTHING. Sad. Michael's coming by tonight to fix it. His family's in town! He's going to see them right after cause I think that's when their flight comes in....

Thanks Owen, for keeping me sane & just talking to me & keeping in touch through all the (oxymoron warning) unnecessary drama.

JennB I totally feel you on this whole everyone's having issues thing! & I'm sorry I forgot going to the movies with you!

For all of you who want to stalk me (actually it's not possible bc you can't get into my building unless someone checks you in!) or write to me, the address is the following:

2305 Golden Gate Avenue
Hayes-Healy Room 202
San Francisco, CA 94118

See, that means I can even get junk mail now... I like getting mail! Ha... okay bye!

OHhh noo... something is going on... for lunch today I had a bacon cheeseburger and a chocolate moo'd from jamba... (the cheeseburger wasn't from jamba tho, if my noun placement was unclear)... & those of you that know me know that I don't normally eat those things... ugh... now I'm sleepy too! & I have two more classes today, the ones that are almost two hours or more... yuck... sadness. I'm going to die in spreadsheets class omg bc it's going to be so boring.... help mee... & then I have to prepare for a speech on Thursday... public speaking... everyone's worst fear...

It's windy here. =( I'm so not... in a good state of mind. & then I get lonely too bc I can't have my cell phone on in the daytime bc I'm scared of going over my minutes even more, so I don't have anyone to talk to.

My AOL isn't doing too well either. It's somehow connected to my phone line @ home, so whenever I'm online here the phone won't work @ home, & then when I called home while I was online, that little phone call alert showed up on my AOL screen, saying that my cell phone was calling... so yes. Can anyone help me? Bc yeah, the computer help people here SUCK. =(

So upset... soo many issues... I know I'm probably making mountains out of molehills.

Soap operas are supposed to make me feel better!! Because these people have issues a million times worse than I could EVER have so I'm supposed to be grateful. I haven't lost my unborn child. I didn't get run over by some chick who's engaged to the guy I had a thing with before, and I'm not blind as a result of that accident. I didn't come back from almost dying from leukemia because of the love of a married man, then marry someone else. I DONT HAVE ISSUES (compared to these people).

Ok bye.

PS Cha I mailed your letter today.

My phone will be off during the daytime bc I think I used up all of my daytime minutes so I can't go over... not with the money that I'm making... or that I'm not making.

I have ballroom in less than an hour but I'm hella tired... I know I keep blogging even tho I have no reason to blog so I'm a loser for that...

I have so much going on in my mind but nothing's being verbalized the way it should... it all comes out rudely, in a bad mood... a constant bad mood... ughhhhhh... and when I do try to talk aobut it. it either doesn't come out right or I get a non- or negative response so I start to clam up before I can actually get into it and the situation just gets worse...

Ugh!! I'm so... I don't even know! It just doesn't feel like good things are happening... I'm doing that thing where I'm so stressed out and all I can think of is everything in a negative light. It's terrible. I'm... upset? I think I'm just repressing a lot of isht and I can't articulate it the way I wish I could... so when people ask me how I am or how school is... I don't know if I'm lying or not when I tell them that I'm okay, I'm just having problems adjusting... I think that's an understatement though...

I could go into detail about it here... it'd be a way to get it out... but I just know that everyone else is having the same issues so no use in doing that... brb stats class

Heylo. Okay so right now I"m watching Wuthering Heights & that one chick reminds me of Julia Stiles... but that's okay cause we all know Julia's @ Columbia getting her higher education on like the rest of us... man this is hella drama drama... of course, the book is beter... hot damn tho...

I don't really remember what else happened lately... actually I do but I"m not really in the mood to talk about it, I just felt it was necessary to update just to say that... yeah I know I'm not making much sense, I'm quite stressed out right now... stressed, depressed, repressed, all that good shit u know? Yes. =( Bye