i had a dream about high school musical earlier this week... oh man.

i need an umbrella. lulu guinness is broke phi broke. im hella sad. i keep getting caught in the rain (with no pina coladas boo), and i try to think about kenny chesney "theres something sexy about the rain" but it's not, not when your pants are dragging and you have to keep wearing the ugly broken bandolino shoes to work when all you wanna do is show your loves to calvin.

it's not making much sense. yes i think i realized how many name brands i dropped in that paragraph. im elitist, i know. but 1, a lot of it i buy it on my own dolla dolla, or it's a birthday/christmas/anniversary present. and 2, i still like target. which is why maybe i wouldn't be able to live in hawaii, land of no target. and 3... i'm realizing that quality does really count, and i can't keep buying half ass isht because you can tell the difference. or i can, anyway. but really now.

sorry. i made sinigang with salmon. and tater tots. michael told me that burger kings has cheesy tots, with the cheese inside the tot. WTF. you know i never really say WTF but if anything deserves it, it's this. cheese inside a tot. it's not on the website. i just tried to google "cheesy tots" and do images. i came across polka dots mittens page, which i thought was rather amusing. fantastic the things you find when you're wondering what in the world cheese stuffed tots look like.

im turning into quite the lush as it feels that i've had a drink every weekend... michael & i went to applebees last saturday night to "celebrate" and that was funn even though "it was just me and him" (yes i am going to throw that back in your face... inyoface!). we might be heading to D&B's this weekend, which is going to be like chuck e cheese but drunk!!! cool, air hockey drunk... hella funn to be had. excitement.

so i JUST watched ocean's 11 last tuesday... i heart matt damon. right when he gets into the safe when he's in that all black outfit. hott. he's got that quiet geek thing going on... kinda clark kenty. yes. that's it. i don't think i really liked him back in junior high when he was in good will hunting. i just wanted to oppose my friend's crush to ben affleck. but i really didn't like minnie driver, and i still don't.

britney's on will & grace today! and there's a new episode of the office! so excited.

i've been having kind of an eh week, but this blog doesn't sound like that's so... so maybe things are better than i feel they are. there's lots to enjoy in life. like tomorrow, there will be teacake cookies (on one level, redundant, bc teacake means cookie, in some references) AND key lime cake. eff yeah. "food's cool and all. it tastes good and you need it to live" =) bya

I think I'm just lazy because I'm in the in between phase of midterms and... well, pretty much, the second round of midterms. The next two weeks are eventful enough, though, so look for more interesting posts then.

April 7th is Cold Stone Creamery Day in San Francisco! Celebrate as necessary... probably at the opening of the 1st SF Cold Stone in Union Square... & that's why work is funn. Because even though I don't get paid I get to name days after ice cream and gay magazines and Irving Berlin... and I get to be called "champ" at the office.

Just like how people can surprise you in the good way... they can also surprise you in the bad way... a little off on a tangent here... so my parents tell me that in life, you have to accept people as they are, their bad qualities and all... but of course, I've been taught to suppress bad qualities in myself and develop good ones... is this contradictory? Why are other people allowed to have bad qualities yet I have to work hard to make sure I come off as "good"? I mean, yes, I know why... I guess I'm wondering if this is fair. But life isn't. And I knew the answer to that already, basically. I don't know... I wish I could hold some people to a higher standard, but I'm supposed to accept that people in this world are greedy, selfish, inconsiderate, and rude. I'm confused.

Ok, sorry, no more deep stuff. Trivial stuff... about things that I am currently enjoying, whether I should or should not...! I LOVE being able to order a drink when I'm eating out. I heart bellinis! YUM. I LUV my newest pair of wedges. Foodwise... cookies from Teacake on Bay St in Emeryville... the orange davincis are my favourite. Random: our hand soap smells like a midori sour. mmm.

I wish I could find my stamps. Perhaps I should look.

I heart MySpace because I am friends with Trent aka Pink is the New Blog. Holla.

Ok. Sorry. Super tangents. Super digression. (yes, it is a word!) I'm hella awake. Time to read my for funn textbook. YES there are funn textbooks and not so funn textbooks... i.e. the ones that I bought and did not open at all. I should have kept the plastic on. I greatly dislike my TR class.

Did I tell you I bought yet another LSAT practice book? It's super scary, but it's better than the first bc it gives me harder logic games to practice diagramming with. For awhile, I started talking in logic games language. It gave me a headache.

I'm getting over it. It still irks me... but not to the point where i'm obsessed. If I was obsessed then it'd be bad... right? Speaking of obsessed, I heart High School Musical!! Guilty as charged, I know, hella corny and cheesy but it's fantastic! We're all in this together! We're soarin, we're glidin!! I want those two songs. Maybe the first one too, the start of something new. Ack, I have a problem! AND... 100 Ways by JC Chasez. Not sure why. It's quirky hott.

Ok. Long. Yes. Sorry. Random. I love you. Goodbye!

- edit 3.28. the things that are said when they think you aren't listening...

my faults: im insecure. i have shaky self esteem. i am emotional. it's hard for me to trust.

i hate the things that make me this way. it's my own fault, but not entirely. i have a problem of letting go of things as they should be. i'm not practical or sensible in that sense at all.

i hate feeling like im not enough. smart enough, pretty enough... I hate it because I see all of my successes and then I think that I'm enough, but then... I'm not. I'm never. It just undermines my feeling of self-worth.

And that's what it all comes down to. I think I only keep up true relationships, friendships, when I know that I have some sort of worth to this person, and they have some back to me, and it isn't selfish, it's mutual. When I know I mean something to this person other than someone they can vent to whenever they feel like... when it's more than just them venting to me and me knowing that I don't trust them enough to vent back. Those are the people who are true. And I'm grateful for that. So thank you... for not undermining my feelings of self-worth.

I hate that I'm more fragile that I think. How easy it is for me to get shaken up, thrown off. How easy it is for me to believe negative over positive.

I always end up telling myself... whatever. I know I'm not going to give people what they won't give back to me. I know what I have the potential to be... and I know that some people bring out that potential. I guess that's all there is to it.