my life is trying to balance itself, i think, after the whole fallout for the past how many months. but i feel so burnt out that i can't try to pick myself up and roll with it.

times like this i find myself doing very well at work because i know i have to leave it all behind and be a pro(fessional).

i feel off. nothing specific, nothing in particular, just plain off.

i have a politics quiz and i dont know why im not studying like i normally do because i have so much beef with this class but it's not like i'm failing im just sort of falling, if that makes sense, which i don't think it does.

fearful of the next three weeks. don't get to take it one at a time because at the time where i am handling or finishing up one thing, i should be well into the next in order to do well. lots and lots of overlap but i need particular focus so i'm either focusing too hard on one thing because im making up for lost time or i'm trying to spread the attention and not doing well overall. double edge sword.

i feel like something's wrong when there's a double shot waiting for me in the fridge and i have no desire whatsoever for it.

sorry. i've been such a downer lately. i sort of saw the spurs today, they were within like, three hundred feet of me. they were practicing at our gym. tony parker is only three years older than me. he's hella buff, did you see that picture of him & eva making out in the ocean? it had non buff non celebrity people in that picture too. it was on people online.

i think my new thing will be fred astaire movies. he's skinny, but he moves like nobody's business. and sings. but not at the same time, so it's not like he's this disney character come to life. but this was all before the metrosexual, and he was still being damn manly tap dancing in his white tie and top hat and tails and all that jazz (but before all that jazz, if you know what i mean).

"le sigh"

i am still a paper machine. five pages in less than two hours. booyeah. shouldnt talk too soon tho, this paper is supposed to be 8-10 pages with bibliography (fuck the bibliography!). i love doooouble shots. holla.

i think someone said something racist to me today at work while i was working the front desk. oh well, according to her too, she's a crackhead with a PhD from the university of chicago who thanks God for her intelligence but wants a single mother representative in government so she doesn't have to be homeless... or something like that. she said ku klux klan twice in her ramble too. yeah i'm so not making up any of this too.

ok. more paper.

i have a buttload of stuff to do for my papers, but i'm bored. does that make any sense at all??

on weekends i try to recover from my stress go go go weekdays but i dont know if it's a before and after or an after and before... if i'm stressed out because i relax too much on weekends... no idea.

that said, i had a really good weekend. quite nice. it was funn. i got free nail polish. OPI nail polish. HOLLER. the only bad thing would be the mosquito bites.

i am without words. and im supposed to write a paper. i'll be SO happy for winter break... keith urban concert, hawaii, prospective paying job... and just really happy that there's no more school...

and when i return for spring 05... the beginning of the end, of my senior year... a baseball law class, a three hour long politics class, and a science class. i sucked it up and took science. and i have class on fridays for the first time since my first semester here. man i was used to the cushy life.

ok bye.